What happens inside
when you feel weak?
This paragraph is an excerpt from Celeste Davis from Matriarchal Blessing Substack blog
"If you're a man, you might see a small boy—sad and crying.
But no one can reach the
boy.
Because circling him is a gorilla, pounding its chest and screaming at him:
“Toughen up, you weak little pussy.”
The gorilla never stops. It shames the boy into silence until the boy hardens into a “man”—stoic, tough, defensive.
In other words, before men learn to dominate others, they are first trained to dominate themselves.
Men are taught to dominate those parts of themselves that act
“like women”—weak, soft, vulnerable, communal, dependent.
The same system that teaches men to pay no heed to the crying boy inside them also teaches them to dehumanize the women outside of them."
Are you at war with yourself?
Self-care isn’t about becoming a better person. It's not about adjusting your attitude to present a more positive side. It’s not about setting a goal you'll strive to achieve. It's not
a weakness.
It’s about meeting yourself just as you are with care. It’s knowing you belong to common humanity, to yourself. You have a precious human life. It’s showing up as your authentic, multifaceted Self, with many abilities and challenges, and giving others permission to do the same.
When we start caring for ourselves, which includes our body, emotions, thoughts, and the miraculous gift of
being alive in this moment, we may begin to see all sentient life as worthy of respect, care, compassion, acceptance, and love. We start to notice who we really are.
Self care is a life skill that has enhanced my existence more than any other. I practice and prioritize self-care every day. I'm writing this a week after Eddie and I were in a bad car accident that left me with a concussion and whiplash, so self-care is pretty much ALL I've been doing! Eddie was shaken up
but not injured. We are deeply grateful we've learned the profound value of care, compassion, and acceptance of the present moment.
My friend, Renee Trudeau, says, "Self-care is about attuning and responding to your needs and desires moment to moment."
It’s about responding with compassion when you criticize yourself for feeling scared or make a mistake (when you think you should know better). Self care is treating yourself with the same love
and tenderness you would have for a four-year-old who’s overwhelmed. It’s not as simple as removing tasks from your to-do list, indulging in a spa day, or sweating it out in vigorous exercise (although those things might be included).
The true art of self-care
Self care is an ongoing respect for the precious human you are. It is about cultivating a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself and asking for the nurturing you truly need. All of your parts benefit,
from the littlest ones to the current grown-up ones. It’s knowing that YOU have your back. You value your body, your emotions and opinions, and your power to create the life you love.
Self Care Contemplations
If you identify as a male:
- How do you treat the parts of yourself you consider weak, soft, or emotional?
- Are there emotions you feel permitted to express publicly, and others you feel you must
hide?
If you identify as a female:
- When you picture authority, expertise, or leadership, whose face appears first in your mind?
- Do you ever soften your opinions, humor, or intelligence to keep the peace?
